Vampires And Technology Don't Mix
by Just A Little Bit Dramatic
Summary: [Gift for wrecking hotel rooms] What happens when all of the Cullen children and Bella go on a chatroom during class? What will they talk about? Rated T, as always, just to be safe...Chapter 3 Up!
1. Starting AN

**Hey guys, this is just a oneshot of a scenario I've wondered about. Basically, the Cullens all sign into a chatroom, as does Bella. So, here's the list of who's who in the chatroom. Though, the names do give hints.**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. If I did own Twilight, New Moon and Edward Cullen, I'd know what happens in Eclipse. And I'd have a hot vampire boyfriend.**

**Bella - im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

**Edward – a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

**Emmett – ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

**Alice – aliceinshoppingland **

**Jasper – i feel your pain **

**Rosalie – (Princess Rose)**

**Yes, I know. All are very original. Anyways, onto the story**! **Please review, if not for me, for Edward Cullen (or whichever Cullen you like. Personally I'm in love with Edward, but I have a friend who really likes Emmett, a reviewer who really likes Jasper, and another friend who said if they were older, they'd like Carlisle.)**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	2. Chapter 1

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. If I did own Twilight, New Moon and Edward Cullen, I'd know what happens in Eclipse. And I'd have a hot vampire boyfriend.**

**_im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on_**

**_a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on_**

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Ooh…Edward's on a chatroom when he's meant to be working! I think I'm a bad influence on you.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You're one to talk, Isabella Marie Swan. You've spent too much time with Emmett, I can tell. Only he used to go on chatrooms and terrorize poor innocent humans.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Well, I'm not terrorizing poor innocent humans. You know me, I prefer torturing vampires. And by the way, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, don't you 'Isabella Marie Swan' me!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

And to think I called you my angel…more the opposite! What do you know, Emmett was right…speaking of Emmett, I thought he'd be online. Probably pestering someone.

**_ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on_**

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Hello children. I have returned.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Ah, Emmett, perfect timing. Or, as others might say, speak of the…evil Count Dracula…and he might appear. To what do we owe this rare yet oh-so-wondrous pleasure?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

You know, I don't appreciate sarcasm, my dear Isabella. Watch out, you may just be my next victim…because…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Let me guess…you vant to suck my blood? Right?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Vlahahahahahahahahaha!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Bite me. No seriously, bite me. Edward won't. So, I may just go visit the evil Count Dracula. That'd be wicked. Hey, does he really exist?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Of course. I am he. Count Dracula. Vlahahahahaha!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You see what you've started, Emmett? And no, Isabella Marie Swan, I will not bite you. I won't.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Let me guess…you don't eat junk food? snicker Get it?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Lmao, Emmett, lmao. Ooh, just quickly, who killed Caesar? Research assignment.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Don't you dare, Emmett. Or I'll be the one lmao. When I tell Rose exactly why her car is scratched on the front.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Sorry human, I can't risk it!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Thanks a lot, Edward!

**_alice in shoppingland has logged on_**

_**I feel your pain has logged on**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Alice, Edward's not giving me answers again! Will you?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

glares at Alice

**alice in shoppingland**

Sorry, Bella, but I'm getting the evil eye. Edward and I are in class together. Got to love that. Completely.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Yeah, well, I have Mike Newton for company. Swap anytime. Any day. I'll ask him…oh great. He's asleep! Ooh, teacher yelling at Mike…lol…ooh, teacher coming this way…crap!

**alice in shoppingland**

Bella? You still there?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I think we've lost her. Isabella Marie Swan was a kind and gentle person, with no self preservation, and a liking for dangerous creatures…and evil Transylvanian vampires…

**I feel your pain **

A good captain always goes down with his ship. Hey Edward, you've been quiet for too long. Teacher get you too?

**alice in shoppingland**

Two in one day! Mass murderer on the loose! Wait, Jasper, is Emmett still in your class? Was it him?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Come off it, I'm nice to Bella. Just not to Edward.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

She's gone. Thank God for that. Wait, Edward…? You there?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Sorry, busy correcting the teacher again. Right. You don't find it odd that we're all on computers…at the same time? I mean, it's rare enough that we get to use computers, but all of us?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Oh yes, the world is going insane. Emmett must have become ruler of the world. Or the penguins have taken over.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Already am, Bella. Already am. The penguins are simply my evil little allies in this wicked wide world of mine…hang on, where's Rose? I'm so alone!

**alice in shoppingland **

Oh, poor evil Emmett!

**I feel your pain **

Uh, I think that's where we were all meant to offer sympathy.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

What? Oh yes, much sympathy from me.

**alice in shoppingland **

And me…I suppose.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Not from me!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

#$&!!!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You know, Emmett, I can actually read minds. Including yours. It's rather obscene. I never wanted to see Rose without clothes on, so, thanks for that.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oops.

**_(Princess Rose) has logged on_**

**(Princess Rose)**

What's this about my car? Earlier in your conversation? Emmett?!?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oops again. Bigger oops. Um, well, you'll never believe it, but there was this…penguin…and it spoke to me and it threw something at your car and was all…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Basically, Rose, he went for a drive while you were hunting and raced some kid and got the car scratched.

**(Princess Rose)**

EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Edward! You promised you wouldn't tell! You are so deceased.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Well actually, living dead is more accurate…

**alice in shoppingland**

Behave, children. Calm them, Jasper. Especially Emmett. Make him all happy and sympathetic, and guilty for being mean!

**I feel your pain **

For your sake. And Bella's. And mine.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Thank God for that. Sometimes, Jasper, I love your powers. Not always, but right now.

**I feel your pain **

And apparently I get bonus points from Bella. How are you Emmett?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I'm so sorry Edward! I cursed at you, and was mean, and Rose…I can't believe I did that to your car…please forgive me?

**(Princess Rose)**

Possibly forgiven, you are. But touch the car again, and I'll get a divorce!

**alice in shoppingland**

You'll need more than one, Rose! After all of your weddings!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Keep him like this until we get home, Jasper. Then Esme will keep him calm. And I won't be nearly killed.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

And I thought you were already dead!

**(Princess Rose)**

Oh wow. The human attempted a joke.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

More like a sarcastic response, Rosalie. And by the way, very original name. At least Alice made hers look cool.

**alice in shoppingland**

Mind you, I think either Jasper or Bella have the best name. Wait, Bella, yours is wrong. The floor's not the only thing that hates you, stairs and cordless phones do too.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Lmao, once again Alice. Lmao.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Play nicely, Isabella.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Hey, some kid just blew up something in the lab. I heard it. Bang. Kaboom. Poor person. How cool would that be? Exploding the lab, I mean.

**I feel your pain **

Uh, Alice, can I stop the happy now? Emmett's acting like you on a very good day.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Lol, Emmett's high on happi! Hey Emmett, will you come shopping with me next time Alice makes me go? For company? And my own personal enjoyment?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

No. Way. In. Hell. Wait, no, I'll go when Edward agrees to change you. Yes! At this rate, I'm safe forever!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Too early, Jasper, too early. You couldn't have kept the happy coming for, I don't know, long enough to ruin his life?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Emmett is never going shopping now. But I'm with Bella on that one, Jasper. We could have laughed, and pointed, and ridiculed. And then laughed some more.

**alice in shoppingland**

Don't be mean. You know, shopping isn't all bad.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Yes it is!

**alice in shoppingland**

Well I love it.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I've noticed!

**(Princess Rose)**

You people are all boring me. I'm off to suffer another boring lesson. Alone. So bite me.

**im not clumsy...the floor just hates me**

No fair, I wanted that first!

**_(Princess Rose) has logged off_**

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Play nicely, please, Bella. She is, after all, my wife. And if Edward gets his act together, your sister in law.

**alice in shoppingland**

We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Ooh, I am so not being a munchkin!

**alice in shoppingland**

I know! Rose is the wicked witch, Bella's Dorothy, I'm the good witch, Edward's the scarecrow, Jasper's the tin man, Carlisle's the wizard, Esme is Auntie Em, and Emmett is…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oh god, here we go, I'm the munchkin, right?

**alice in shoppingland**

Well, you were going to be the lion, but I like your idea! We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz…

**I feel your pain **

Why am I made of metal?

**alice in shoppingland**

Would you prefer to be the mayor of the munchkin city? And that way, we can demote Emmett to flying monkey!

**I feel your pain **

Don't worry. I'm being quiet now.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

I wouldn't complain, Jasper, I'm made of hay! Either a strong gust of wind, or a match will be my doom!

**alice in shoppingland**

Well, Rose is slaughtered by water…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm melting! I'm melting!

**alice in shoppingland**

And Bella gets wicked red shoes and a little dog and basket.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

There's no place like home! Oh, Auntie Em? Auntie Em? Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore…don't know if I can spell that, actually.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bell's about to go. Let's get this work finished.

**alice in shoppingland**

Alas, he makes sense! See you at lunch!

**_alice in shoppingland has logged off_**

**I feel your pain **

Don't be too down during class. I'll know if you are. Remember, I feel your pain.

**_I feel your pain has logged off_**

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I'll be back! For the count always returns for his victims…

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Evil, psychotic Emmett…shakes head…How long until lunch? Exactly?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

A minute and twenty three seconds.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I can last that long…I think.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Well I cant.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Try. I am. Bye. I love you.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

I love you too. Goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow, that we must say goodnight, til it be morrow.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Edward. It's less than a minute.

**_im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off_**

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Doesn't make it easier.

**_a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off_**

**Hey, what'd you all think? If you liked it, I might consider writing another one…so yeah, please review!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	3. Chapter 2

**Due to popular demand, this is back, with a new chapter, new chats, etc. Hope the names aren't too confusing, but they're the same, so read on…hopefully laugh…**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. I do, however, own some of the phrases Bella uses, the following pennames, and the Cullen's family song. Yay me!**

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on**_

_**alice in shoppingland has logged on**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Hey Alice! What you doing?

**alice in shoppingland**

I'm supposedly writing a report on the Russian Revolution, but I'm already done, so I thought I'd see who was online, and voila! I found you! What class are you in?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Class? There's classes right now? Ooh…crap…

**alice in shoppingland**

Isabella Marie Swan, did you skip and not tell me? Or did you just forget to go to class again? I'll tell Edward if you've skipped without me…gasp! Is Emmett with you? Did he convince you to skip?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Alice, breathe! Oh, wait, scratch that, reverse it…no, just scratch that. Sigh. I'm in English, actually, much to my dismay. We're writing memoirs.

**alice in shoppingland**

What's yours called?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Dracula's Bride…lol…

**alice in shoppingland**

What? Edward's going to have an aneurysm if you're serious! Bella, tell me you didn't! Please, or rip it up now, before anyone sees!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Alice, breathe! I have _got _to stop writing that! But anyway, I'm actually attempting to write about my abnormally boring life. Cause if I handed in something like that, it would be considered _fiction_. Do you know how hard it is to write about your own life? Hard!

**alice in shoppingland**

Poor widdle Bella!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Hey, sarcasm's my forte, honestly, are you stealing my job? Next you'll fall over a lot…and a lot…and a lot…did you know the sky is blue?

**alice in shoppingland**

Well, apparently not…actually the sky is blue because…wait, were you being sarcastic?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Alice, you're meant to leave the correcting to your brother…you're meant to be on my side…or are you stealing their jobs too?

**alice in shoppingland**

No way, they're all too boring…well, Emmett has his moments. He can actually be interesting, but then again, you've seen that. You're like his apprentice now, did you know?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Yay, I've been promoted from minion! I used to be 'Minion A' and you were like 'Minion B'. Next up: Partners In Crime! Bonnie and Clyde!

**_ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on_**

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

You got a bit further to go, Squirt, before you even get close to another promotion. I'll promote you when you prank Edward.

**alice in shoppingland**

Thanks Emmett, by the way, for lending her your phone! Twenty, yes twenty, missed calls! All within a minute's difference, all from a certain Isabella Marie Swan!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

I never! I only did nineteen! Oh wait, no, she's right…sheepish grin.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Seriously? Aw, I'm so proud. My little Squirt is growing up…and she's taking after me…tear. So proud.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

When I grow up, I want to be just like Emmett!

**alice in shoppingland**

God save us all.

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella, tell me you don't want to be like Emmett. Please.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

I can, but I'd be lying…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Emmett, from now on, you only speak to Bella in the presence of either myself or Jasper. Can't trust Alice. She's Minion B.

**alice in shoppingland**

No, I'm Minion A now, Bella's now Apprentice.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Oh great. Even better.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Alice, Mike's staring at me again…eww, no, he's asleep…with his eyes open. Okay, no, he's drooling…that's so not nice. Snoring…hey, he sleep talks too! Oh no, crap, he said my name…no, this is plain wrong! I'm going to be traumatized! How do you book an appointment with the psychiatrist? So they can psychiatrize you? Is that even a word?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

What's he dreaming about, I wonder? Or rather, who is he dreaming about? Oh wait, no, what is he doing?

**alice in shoppingland**

Or who.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Scream. Shriek. Scream.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

So, Isabella, how does that make you feel?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Unclean…unclean…no…no…help…unclean…must wash essence of Mike off…unclean!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella, calm. Emmett, Alice, no torturing the human! Especially not _my _human! And no, Bella, psychiatrize is not a word.

_**(Princess Rose) has logged on**_

**(Princess Rose)**

Emmett, who the hell are you torturing now?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Only Bella.

**(Princess Rose)**

Oh. That's okay then.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Growl.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

I made up a song! You wanna hear it?!?

**alice in shoppingland**

You're going to tell us anyway! Go!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysteriously spooky, they're all togetherooky, The Cullen family! Dun nun nun nun…click click…dun nun nun nun…click click… dun nun nun nun, dun nun nun nun, dun nun nun nun…click click!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I love it! Uh oh, I started singing it, and humans are staring…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Lol, I did that! Hey, if you poke a sleeping Mike, he screams. Like, girlish scream…poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Hey, he woke up! And…no, sleeping again.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Alice, what did you _feed _her? _One day_. You had to get her ready for school for just _one _day. All you had to do was feed her and give her clothes to wear. So what _exactly_ did you give her for breakfast?

**alice in shoppingland**

Um, a baguette and…a drink…I couldn't give her cereal, it's too disgusting, and her shoes didn't match her outfit, so we did a super quick drive to the shops, and I bought her breakfast while we were there.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

What kind of drink?

**alice in shoppingland**

Um…a hot one…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Mary Alice Brandon Cullen, did you give her _coffee_? After I repeatedly told you that only an hour or two after drinking it, she starts to go hyper?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Alice, did you? Tell me you did! Hyper Bella is much more fun than normal Bella! Not that I'd know, I've never gotten her hyper or anything…

**alice in shoppingland**

It wasn't coffee, it was a cappuccino! And only a babycino at that!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

It was bitter, yet strangely sweet and addictive! It was like freedom in a cup!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella, you of all people should know not to drink coffee!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I just wanted the bubbles…pout. Sob.

**alice in shoppingland**

Bella, for the last time, it's called froth. Froth is different to bubbles!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

What's in a name?

**alice in shoppingland**

In this case? A different meaning!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Giggle. Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Yes! Bella's finally done it! She's gotten drunk at school! Score: Emmett – 1089783, Edward – 1. In the rounds concerning Bella anyway.

**alice in shoppingland**

Emmett, you twit, can you not _read_? She's just a little hyped, not drunk.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Bella, you and I have some plotting to do before the caffeine wears off, savvy?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Savvy! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! Edward upset? Pout.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Not with you.

**alice in shoppingland**

Squeak.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

With a certain sister of mine…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

What did Rosalie do? Oh, wait…oops…my bad…

**(Princess Rose)**

My husband, vampires and human.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Did you know?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella, over my _completely dead and burning body _will you _ever_ own a flamethrower. Do you understand?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Then why aren't you completely dead and burning?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

That better be a joke.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Nope. Where is the thump thump? I gotta jar of dirt! I gotta jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it!

**(Princess Rose)**

The human does have guts. Who knew? Wait, I think she watched Dead Man's Chest with Emmett again.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Uh, guys, Edward's at our classroom door…ooh crap…fare thee well world, for I shall surely perish…

**(Princess Rose)**

Emmett?!?

**alice in shoppingland**

And that, dear chatters, would be what happens when the person you are annoying is online in the classroom beside yours. Bella, you'd better hide that flamethrower.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Oh, it's hidden. Trust me. And definitely _not_ in a jar of dirt…I'm not stupid…

_** I feel your pain has logged on**_

** I feel your pain **

Did I miss Emmett's overdue slaughtering? And hyper Bella?

**alice in shoppingland**

Yes, and no. Emmett's being killed, and Bella's still hyper.

** I feel your pain **

Flamethrower? Is _that _why Edward left our class? We're looking up Ancient Greece, and I'm guessing he was online, cause he bolted. Something about threat to humanity…?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm only a threat to myself and my clothes. And the heart of Davy Jones. And Edward's sanity.

**alice in shoppingland**

Mercy on the clothes! I beg of you!

**(Princess Rose)**

Yeah, some of us are in health. You'd think the whole abstinence message would sink in by now, huh?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Date a vampire, when you're human anyway, or even when you are vampire, it's the best form of contraception. Ever. Nuff said.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

What was that, Isabella?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Damn keyboard typing stuff I didn't mean for it to! The power of Christ compels you!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

He lives!

**(Princess Rose)**

Not for long…I saw the new scratch on my car. You are beyond dead, Emmett McCarty Cullen! If Edward didn't manage to slaughter you, I will!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Alice, I wanna go shopping.

**alice in shoppingland**

Say what now? Oh, crap, Edward I'm so sorry! I didn't know the caffeine would push her into insanity! I'll fix her, just get me a sledgehammer, and I'll hit her on the head. She'll see flying birds for a few minutes, and then she'll be fine.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Alice…we don't hit the human with a sledgehammer. She's not Emmett. She breaks.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

I mean, Alice, I really do wanna go shopping. But not for me. For the _guys. _It could be interesting, and for them, educational.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Say what now?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

You know I love you, right Edward?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Not believing it at this point in time.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Sharkbait Muhaha. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do? We swim…I love to swim…escape! You know it's funny, it's spelt just like the word escape!

**(Princess Rose)**

Emmett, I thought I banned you from Finding Nemo!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge! I am trying not to lose my cool!

**(Princess Rose)**

Or Happy Feet.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Oh, crud.

**(Princess Rose)**

Or Open Season! Hey, wait, you got Bella quoting that too?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You know not to watch cartoons or any movies with Emmett too, Bella! I told you!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

They're so mean to us, aren't they Emmett?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Don't worry, my little Apprentice who is no longer Squirt but now Sharkbait! I won't let us suffer separation anxiety from our beloved movies. We will find a way!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Cartoon and CG movie lovers unite! Sharkbait Muhaha!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You see, Alice, this is what you get when you give Bella caffeine! Never again, you hear me? Ever!

**alice in shoppingland**

I thought you were exaggerating! But no, you'd think I gave her Percocet.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Shudder. Don't do that. She actually _does_ go high.

**(Princess Rose)**

I'm off. Class is nearly over, and I wanna go have a little talk with my darling husband. Calm, human, calm.

_**(Princess Rose) has logged off**_

**alice in shoppingland**

Oh my God. Emmett, you'd better run. I already have to. You wont catch me Edward, I'm psychic, remember?

_**alice in shoppingland has logged off**_

** I feel your pain **

This is actually amusing. Bella, your happiness is setting me off. Sorry Edward, I can't calm her. It's just too funny.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Jasper!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

I am calm, Jazzysper! You're funny! Edward? You're so _preeetttty_…

** I feel your pain **

Jazzysper?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Preeetttty?!? Oh, _Jazzysper_, I'm having a word to your wife!

** I feel your pain **

Very well, Eddy!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Giggle. Eddy! Eddyward! Gasp! Eddywardy!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Izzy.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Emmy. And I thought I was Sharkbait!

** I feel your pain **

I'm going before Emmy blows up. I'll know if he has. Remember, I feel your pain.

_** I feel your pain has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Is that, like, his leaving phrase?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Why not? I have one! You should get one!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

It's okay. I got one now. Ew…Mike's _still _drooling! How do you turn it off?!?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Calmed down yet, Bella?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Of course…grin. Mwahahahaha.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Bell's about to go. Meeting you as soon as we get out, Bella. We got some talking to do, after I escape from Rose.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Assuming you'll escape.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I'll be back! For the count always returns for his victims…

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I've got to go, Eddywardy. I have a few minutes to write a three page memoir. I'd be able to finish it properly if you only changed me…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Growl.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Thought you'd say that, Eddywardy. Cause you're mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Thought right.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Lucky for me, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Why am I _always _the last one left on?!? Is this some kind of conspiracy? Great, now I'm IMing myself…Bella's insanity is contagious. The world is definitely doomed.

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off**_

**What dif you guys think? Suck? Better than the first? Opinions needed, if you want me to continue, that is. I'll even write another if you all review! But I need your opinions, because while I am a sarcastic person, I am not funny, so I need to know if you all think I'm funny.**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	4. Chapter 3

**This one is mainly Bella and Jasper speaking at the start. I wanted them to have a bit more of a fun relationship as brother sister dynamics, and there's a story behind it. If you're not interested, stop reading this now and go on to the story.**

**Okay, my friends and I all have Twilight nicknames, I'm Bella, Bad Alice is Alice, She-Emmett 101 is Emmett, LibbyCat is Jasper, and in the pretend world is Jane. We recently christened ****floccinaucinihilipilification as Carlisle. Because we know her. But I was texting Jasper the other day, and Jane had been calling me Bellsy, so this conversation evolved. So I wrote Bella's lines, and Jasper wrote Jasper's. Most of them, anyway. Some were later added. So this is based on a very long phone conversation we had. But altered.**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. I do, however, own some of the phrases Bella uses, the following pennames, and the Cullen's family song. Yay me!**

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on**_

_**I feel your pain has logged on**_

**I feel your pain **

Hello, Bella. Are we calmer today? Alice didn't give you caffeine this morning? Because if she has, I need to know…to defend her from your beloved Edward.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

No…Edward banned me from caffeine…or most sugars at the moment, actually. I need my red cordial…I need it now! Separation anxiety just setting in! Actually, Edward's sitting beside me. He's writing his essay, despite being a vampire and having done all this before, while I, the human, procrastinate. As per usual. See? I have talents!

**I feel your pain **

Oh…okay…I see. How has your day been?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

You're too casual…do you see my shifty eyes? Sigh. Bad. Charlie accidentally called me Bellsy this morning. Shudder. He's officially taken to calling me _Bellsy_.

**I feel your pain **

Bellsy! I'm surprised none of us thought of that before. I like it! Charlie's a genius! And to think, I disregarded him as a minor character in the story of our lives…or in our case, afterlife…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm GLAD none of you thought of Bellsy…glower. Evil eye. I'll give you Bellsy, Jazzysper, you…you…big mean vampire!

**I feel your pain **

Hehe, Bellsy.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Call me Bellsy one more time…

**I feel your pain **

You'll do what, Bellsy? Bite me? Bellsy?!?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'll go skydiving! I'll…I'll drink a whole jug of coffee ALL ON MY OWN!!! I'll eat a bucket of sugar! I'll…I'll…I'll go skydiving!

**I feel your pain **

Ooh…how fun. And I wouldn't if I were you; Edward would personally ensure that you never left his sight…ever again. Meaning…ever.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I should hit you…do you know that?

**I feel your pain **

Naturally…but it would hurt. Me being vampire and all…you being human and all…I might break your wrist. Then I'd be dead. Because Edward would kill me.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm telling Edward! Do you see me telling him RIGHT now?!?

**I feel your pain **

Mm, and…? What will he do?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Well for one thing, he'll be…ugh. Groan. He's on your side. He's officially calling me Bellsy. Something about revenge…? Did I do anything to him…? Ooh…knew I shouldn't have called him Eddywardy. But it's too damn fun!

**I feel your pain **

Oh my God, does Emmett know?!?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Yes…shudder. I won't be shocked if he officially changes my name, you know. Rechristens me in the cult of Emmett's Minions as his apprentice, posts flyers…shudder again.

**I feel your pain **

Hehe…does Alice know?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm growling my answer…but yes.

**I feel your pain **

Oh my God, I am so telling Carlisle!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I don't care if Alice will kill me for it, and Edward will kill her, and I start a chain reaction thingy, but Jazzysper…I will happily kill you.

**I feel your pain **

And just how are you going to pull that off? Out of curiosity, of course…I'd love to see you kill an immortal…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Um…stake through heart?

**I feel your pain **

You could try. Personally, I think Emmett's exposed you to way too much Buffy The Vampire Slayer, but yeah, feel free to try. I'm curious to see if it will hurt. Or even work.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Oh, it's so on. I'll even sell tickets. Bella The Vampire Slayer. And no, I don't mean Bellsy The Vampire Slayer. The first sounds WAY better.

**I feel your pain **

If you must murder me, just be careful, will you? Edward will not be happy if you hurt yourself killing me.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Let me get this straight. You're more concerned about me staking myself?!? Unbelievable! You're all bloody mad!

**I feel your pain **

Pretty much.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Bloody mad!

**I feel your pain **

Yeah, well…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Masochistic, selfless, opinionated, stubborn, and mad!

**I feel your pain **

You do seem to have put your finger on just a few of them. But yeah, I think I've had enough descriptions of our personalities for one day, Bellsy.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Don't even get me started! I could go on all day with the description marathon. Starting with you…then Emmett…then Edward. Except, I wont even go there with Rosalie. But I will with you.

**I feel your pain **

Uh, Bella, as much as I hate to break it to you, uh, what you have on me, I have on you…to a more mortifying extent, mind you.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Such as…?

**I feel your pain **

Due to your last very opinionated outburst and the fact that Edward is sitting beside you and probably watching what we're saying, I'm reluctant to tell you.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Bring it on, fruitbat.

**I feel your pain **

Fruitbat?!? Bellsy, WHAT ARE YOU ON?!?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I couldn't think of anything else! But you're distracting, you really have nothing on me to a mortifying extent, do you?

**I feel your pain **

Whatever I have has GOT to be better than fruitbat! I mean, come on, vampire bat, yeah okay, remotely cool, but a rat with wings that eats fruit? Lame!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Hey, I'm only human…for now. But for that, you just went too far. I'm gonna stake you. Even if I stake MYSELF in the process!

**I feel your pain **

Okay, well, the main thing is that you believe that, it makes you happy, and that when you do stake yourself, it's not a fatal injury. And, once again, that believing you can do it makes you happy.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Staking YOU makes ME happy.

**I feel your pain **

Yeah, okay, well, take comfort in that…Bellsy! Actually…wait…Bellsy-Wellsy! I am so evil! For the first time ever, I am experiencing glee myself and not second hand! I like it!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Fuhciohohgwkyhfuhildjfgihyiofjhlajiyhf…

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Jasper Hale, what the hell did you do to make Bella fall off the chair? Hang on…judging from the first two letters of that word, it's probably not a bad thing. Or I'd have commented on Bella's language.

**I feel your pain **

Uh, Edward, we have fallen from grace. You, me, and our lovely vampire family are all officially…well, rats with wings who feed on fruit.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

A fruitbat?!? Hang on, I'm reading what you were writing…Bella, you can't kill a vampire with a stake! That's it, no more watching DVDs with Emmett! Not without adult supervision. And Bella? No skydiving, do you hear me? I won't call you Bellsy, just NO SKYDIVING!!!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I will slaughter thee with thy stake! Blah!

**I feel your pain **

I'm guessing the supervised movie watching condition is going to be followed through? Considering last night Emmett exposed her to…sigh. Harry Potter.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Oh…Lord save us all. She's going to make me draw a scar on my head, isn't she? Wait, was it Emmett who got that obsessed he wore that cape around and had the wand? I vaguely remember him poking someone in the eye with it…

**I feel your pain **

Yes! I distinctly remember because it was MY eye!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Oh, you baby, Jazzysper! I poke myself in the eye all the time! No, falling is much more painful…but I doubt you've tripped over in a long time. Lucky idiotic fruitbat.

_**(The Good Doctor) has logged on**_

**(The Good Doctor)**

Well, it's not as if I should be surprised you're all online. At least, some of you. However, Bella, shouldn't you be working? The others have learnt this…have you?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Carlisle, hi! I have learnt all this…just, you know, in the past hour or so. I've been paying attention! I always do! Trust me, Edward ensures that I pay attention…stubborn fruitbat.

**I feel your pain **

Oh yeah, Carlisle, we have officially fallen from grace. As I just told Edward, our whole family are rats with wings who feed on fruit. Yes, Bella proclaimed we are fruitbats.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

No, I said you and Edward were. And Emmett and Alice…not Rosalie…shudder. And not Carlisle and Esme…they're too nice. I respect them.

**(The Good Doctor)**

Thank you, Bella. Hopefully you're not the only one who respects me…if only Emmett were here to read that. Oh, and Bella? Staking a vampire only works in movies. I'd go through with the movie watching condition, Edward.

**I feel your pain **

I'll speak for Emmett, and say Bella: you are being a Carlisle's pet.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Don't be mean! I'm going to cry now…and Emmett wouldn't say that! He'd congratulate me on successfully insulting you, and putting up a good fight in that argument. Nahaha.

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to drive me. But you gotta have friends…

_**(Princess Rose) has logged on**_

**(Princess Rose)**

Stop singing, Emmett, or I'm getting a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Aw, crap, I awoke the monster…oops. Didn't mean it, Rose, beautiful, sweetie…aw, what's the use? I'm going to die!

**(The Good Doctor)**

Language, Emmett McCarty. I'll only warn you once. Shouldn't all of you be paying attention and doing work? I know you know it, but you're supposed to be acting like you don't. At least Alice is following the rules.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Carlisle, we already know everything this teacher does…multiplied by over a thousand. I've lived through what we're learning…they're actually mocking clothes just like the ones I used to wear. And Alice will be online soon; she's tossing up whether to come on now.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I was far more fashionable in my times…Model McCarty, they used to call me…Eddywardy, stop laughing! Anyway, Carlisle, you wouldn't be procrastinating on the job, would you, dearest Father?

**(The Good Doctor)**

I'm on a break, Emmett. And rather stupidly, decided to see if you lot were actually paying attention in class. But I suppose I already knew the answer to that, considering I expected to see you on here. Not surprised Bella's on here either. And…uh…Eddywardy?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

That doesn't surprise me. Emmett's a bad influence on her…can we limit their time together? To, you know, thirty seconds or less? Sometimes a minute? And, don't even go there, Carlisle…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Just because you know Bella secretly loves me…

**(The Good Doctor)**

There's a line behind you, Emmett.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Carlisle, Edward growled in class! Now everybody's staring…and Edward's too busy glaring at me…back, demon! Back! Aye, I will slaughter thee with thy sword! Mwahahaha!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Carlisle, are you absolutely positive he's sane? Because that's just not normal to speak fluent Shakespearean! It's actually…disturbing.

**I feel your pain **

Meanwhile here Bella and I wait, invisible to all…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I don't love you Emmett! So Rosalie, you can stop snarling! As in now! Emmett, tell your wife to leave me ALONE!!!

**(The Good Doctor)**

I'll examine Emmett when I get home, and Rosalie, do behave yourself…I'd better go, you lot. Patients. And get off the internet when you're in school.

_**(The Good Doctor) has logged off**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Newton is going to die. He's murmuring Bella in his sleep. Again. I could kill him…Bella, can you pretend to faint, and distract everyone while I do it?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Need a sword? Not that I have one or anything…

**(Princess Rose)**

That's it, I hate this chatroom, it's so boring! It's always Bella this, and Bella that! Mocking Bella isn't fun online…I can do that in person! Find me when you regain a brain. And Emmett…I'm so not speaking to you.

_**(Princess Rose) has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Somebody's in trouble…poor Emmett…aw…I am sorry, Emmett.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Nah, she'll get over it…I hope. It's always bad when she lets it last over an hour, because I generally have to buy something. Crap, teacher caught me, detention…now…bye… I'll be back! For the count always returns for his victims…

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

He HAD to get in that last line, huh?

_**alice in shoppingland has logged on**_

**alice in shoppingland**

Hey everyone! Ooh…Rose giving Emmett the silent treatment again? Hardly surprising, like I didn't see that one coming…I probably should have warned Emmett about the teacher though. His detention job is clean every window of every classroom. I guess the teacher was just looking for an excuse this time.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

He is. I could hear his thoughts. Emmett got into a debate with him one too many times…the last debate they had was over socks, and whether there was a right or left sock. My adopted, adopted being the operative word, brother, ladies and vampires.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

You know, there could actually be a right and left sock. One always seems to go better on one foot than the other, and therefore there could be…

**I feel your pain **

Bella…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella…

**alice in shoppingland**

You can buy a right and left sock?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Oh my God, I have to buy more right socks!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then more lefts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**I feel your pain **

Alice…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Alice…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Alice, I think we're in trouble…should we leave now?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Oh no you don't, Isabella Marie. I'm always the last one on…not this time, do you hear me? I'm logging off, and I'll be victorious!

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Blink. Well…that was…remotely abnormal…I think I finally pushed Edward over the edge. Oh crap, I have a psychotic, paranoid, stubborn, masochistic, selfless, sometimes stupid vampire for a boyfriend. Sob.

**I feel your pain **

Uh, Bella, you do realize he's sitting beside you and can actually read what you write? As in, everything you just wrote?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

DON'T SPOIL MY MOMENT OF RANTING, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**I feel your pain **

I'm going, I'm going. Calm, I'll know if you don't. Remember, I feel your pain.

_**I feel your pain has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Blink. Alice, you just joined the "I have a psychotic, paranoid, stubborn, masochistic, selfless, sometimes stupid vampire for a boyfriend" Club. Except you have a husband…suffer! You're married!

**alice in shoppingland**

It's actually not that bad. I use that excuse to make him go shopping with me, and he does…under protest, but he comes…every time. Gleeful smile.

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Okay, it's boring not talking to anyone. So I'm back on…this time, you're not getting rid of me. And Isabella, I read that! Sigh…I love you too.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Edward…sweetheart…darling…you're insane.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

And you're clumsy…a danger magnet…and uncoordinated. Don't we make a nice couple?!? And as I said, I love you too, Bella. You're one of a kind.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Aw…shall we, Alice?

**alice in shoppingland**

I think we shall.

_**alice in shoppingland has logged off**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Don't kill me, my darling insane Eddywardy. Just think…lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Lucky for me, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Damn it!

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off**_

**Gotta just love Edward, don't you? I actually didn't like how this turned out, but I hope you do. Oh, if you have any suggestions for funny situations to put these guys in, bring it on. Like…Bella on sleep deprivation and caffeine. But I'm not having a human/teacher/werewolf join the conversation, savvy? It's just been overused.**

**Opinions needed, if you want me to continue, that is. I'll even write another if you all review! But I need your opinions, because while I am a sarcastic person, I am not funny, so I need to know if you all think I'm funny.**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	5. Chapter 4

**don't really have an excuse for not updating this sooner. Mainly that my seemingly funny muse didn't hit, so I'm putting it all together as I go along. Meaning that this will probably suck. That's kinda how this story's gonna work, savvy? I update when I get an urge to, and otherwise, I look for ideas. This is out of character, sort of, and yeah. Hopefully some of it is funny. No promises though.**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. I do, however, own some of the phrases Bella uses, the following pennames, and the Cullen's family song. Yay me! **

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does. Can he swing from a web? No he cant, cause he's a pig! Look out! It's the spiderpig! Hang on, forget spiderpig, I have Harry Trotter! Mwahahaha!

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Cause I'm a gummy bear, yes I'm a gummy bear, oh I'm a something something something something gummy bear. I'm a something bear, yes I'm a something bear, oh I'm a something something something something gummy bear, oh yeah. Ba ba dingy dingy ding dong…Emmett, my idol, how fare thee?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oh boy…what are you on and where do I get it? Actually, you know the one bad thing about being a vamp? I can't get drunk! Imagine that…a life of no drunkenness…oh well, there's always hope for you, eh sharkbait?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I don't know, maybe you could dose a bear up with alcohol – like completely – and then drink its blood…would that work?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Bella, if only you were a vampire already…we could get up to so much trouble…and blame it on Jasper. You know, if I get reincarnated, I want both of us to come back as butterflies. No one suspects the butterfly…mwahaha!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Name the time and place, oh evil one! Hey Emmy…I found something for you…you're my best friend. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You joke, I joke. You're sad, I'm sad. You're happy, I'm happy. You jump off a bridge…I'll miss you! Blah! Mwahahahahahaha!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

**Aw, Bellsy, you wont even catch me?!? I'd never** let you jump! You're so mean to me! I'm so unloved! No one understands me…one is the loneliest number of one. Two can be as bad as one, but the loneliest number is the number of one.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Blah! No fall kills me, for I am BatBella! I have a Batman mask! I have a cape! I am BatBella, superhero with the ability to fly! I SHALL FLY, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

I knew I logged on in time when I figured out you two were online. Bella, you cannot fly. It is physically impossible for you to fly. Especially you. Unless you are in a safe, functioning, working airplane. Don't make me come over there.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

-starts listening to The Hula Hoop song by Alvin and the Chipmunks- All I want's a hula hoop…boom chica wow wow chica wow wow! Yipee caiyay mama cita! BatBella can fly!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I had nothing to do with this, Edward. She got the cape and Batman mask all on her own. And I didn't sneak her into the Chipmunk movie after you forbade us going…Bella…I'd stop…thin ice, sharkbait!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Watch me! I hifhwhflhisdhygivhdhgoiyhd…Edward just took my cape. I CAN NO LONGER FLY! I AM NOTHING WITHOUT THE CAPE!!!! THE ALMIGHTY ALL POWERFUL CAPE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I SHALL PERISH!!!!!!!! FEEL THE WRAITH OF THE FLAME, EDWARD!!!!! NAHAHAHA!!!!!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Emmett. Did you give Bella a blasted flamethrower?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Grimace. Aw, hell, why'd you do that Bella? I have the right to remain silent. Anything I chose to say may and most likely will be used against me. And you cannot attack me, for I am in detention and surrendered by puny mortals who will testify on my behalf. But no, I didn't give her a flamethrower…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Well then, I just got singed BY A HAIRDRYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emmett, you are so beyond dead that your corpse is merely ashes! Rosalie will know everything you have ever done to her car, and Esme is going to know that you gave Bella a FLAMETHROWER! I had to put out the fire before Charlie smelt the smoke! And. I. Got. Burnt.

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Blink. Falls over laughing hysterically. Rolls over laughing hysterically. Hoists self back up on chair. Blink. Oh no, Edward, you did not get harmed at all, did you? I offer my sincerest – cough cough – sympathies. Grin.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

He confiscated my flamethrower…poor little Bob…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oh, come on, Bella. You named your flamethrower Bob? Why not something flashier, something original. Like…Anakin Flamethrower! Use the flame, young weapon. Mine's called Darth Flamer, which, in my opinion, is oh so very wicked. Darth Flamer is the hottest bad-boy around!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

She named the flamethrower she should never have gotten Bob?!? Why on earth would you give Bella a flamethrower? Why, of all people, Bella? She is enough of a danger magnet without your assistance, Emmett!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I'm going to go sulk. I want Bob. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Leave me alone! -Door slams shut as Bella turns off the computer angrily and screams.- Bob! Noooooo, my baby! BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Bob was a brave young flamethrower, being the only flamethrower to singe the Edward Cullen. He shall be dearly missed, most of all by his beloved Bella, who shall never replace him while Edward lives…sort of.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Bella, it was me or the flamethrower. I wasn't about to let you make that choice…I'm better for you than a flamethrower, and that's saying something!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me **

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I no longer have a flamethrower, SO NOW I SHALL LIE FOR FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT, YOU STUPID SHINY VOLVO OWNING VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Whoa. Edward, I think you'll be locked out of her room tonight. Gasp. Shock. Horror. You might have to…knock on the door and beg Charlie to see her from now on! Because little sharkbait can hold a grudge.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

I blame you, Emmett. I'm getting Esme to get online. Right. Now. And you know she will, because – and you know it – I'M HER FAVOURITE!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oh no you didn't! Mhmm, don't go there, brother! Blink. Where did that come from? Rewind. Scratch that. I was never here…

_**(Not So Desperate Housewife) has logged on**_

**(Not So Desperate Housewife)**

Emmett, why is Edward growling at me to…hold on a moment…you gave Bella – human, sweet, charming little Isabella Swan – a flamethrower?!? Why would you do that, Emmett?!? Of all the ridiculous and ludicrous things you've done…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Oh crap. I knew this was gonna be bad. Esme, Mum, Mother dearest, Mummy, I love you. But I'm so neglected…you've always favored Edward. Don't you see? It was a cry for attention! I'm so unloved!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**(Princess Rose) has logged on**_

**(Princess Rose)**

Unloved? UNLOVED?!? YOU HAVE ME, WHAT MORE ATTENTION OR LOVE COULD YOU ASK FOR, EMMETT?!?!? YOU'RE JEALOUS OF A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED, TEMPERMENTAL VAMPIRE WITH A HUMAN FOR A GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE HE COULD MEET NO ONE IN THE VAMPIRE WORLD BECAUSE HIS KINDA-MOTHER PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO HIM, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE ME?!?!?!?!? HOW DARE YOU?!?!?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Esme pales in comparison now, doesn't she, Emmett? You're facing a lifetime sentence right here, right now. And I'm not helping you at all.

**(Not So Desperate Housewife)**

I'll leave Rosalie to handle you, Emmett. After all, her punishments are so much more creative than anything I could think of…behave, boys! But Rose…feel free to do what you will. If I don't see, and I don't know, I cannot judge…

_**(Not So Desperate Housewife) has logged off**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Rose, please, calm down…I didn't mean it…I was only trying to get out of trouble because Edward got kaflamed by Darth Flamer's illegitimate son Bob, and Edward tried to take his revenge by calling in Esme…I TAKE IT BACK! I LOVE YOU, ROSE!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You are so dead…again! Oh, this is revenge for you giving my girlfriend the means to half burn my corpse.

**(Princess Rose)**

Yeah, you take it back now…you wait til you're locked out of our room! No playtime for you, Emmett, our relationship is officially at a standstill. I don't know why I married you!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Because I agreed to fifty-five weddings and counting?

**(Princess Rose)**

You see? You have no idea how many times we have been married! Do I mean so little to you? Do I? DO I?!?

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Edward, I want Bella to speak at my funeral. She gets to plan it…she knows what theme and everything I'll want. Of course, I want you to bury my ashes…I wont be back, and the count will not return for his victims. May I rest in peace.

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off**_

**(Princess Rose)**

He will pay for that.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Don't go easy on him! Give him the screaming treatment; he loves the silent treatment. Ignoring him helps.

_**(Princess Rose) has logged off**_

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

You cant be serious…I cant be on alone…AGAIN! This isn't fair. And now I'm typing to myself. Great, Bella and Emmett really are starting to rub off on me. I knew hearing voices would send me over the edge one day. I just thought it'd be on my five hundredth birthday!

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on**_

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

You're still on?!? I wanted to talk to Emmy…nope, I'm not talking to you. Nada. Zilch. Still incredibly beyond angry at you. I'm sleeping in Charlie's room tonight.

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

But…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

……………

_**I feel your pain has logged on**_

**I feel your pain **

Edward, I can practically feel how angry Bella is…and I'm nowhere near her right now! Let her get another flamethrower, please, for the sake of the rest of us.

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

It's not the same…it wouldn't be Bob…I MISS BOB!!!!!!!! MY BABY, MY ONLY SON, TO WHOM I WAS LEAVING EVERYTHING I OWNED WHEN I PERISHED!!!!!!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Jasper, do we still have the number of the pyromaniacs' rehabilitation centre we sent Edward to before he broke out?

**I feel your pain **

Which one? The one with the barbwire fence that he bit a hole in?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

No, that was his military school. Uh, it was before military school…after TVoholics centre…before the fish-are-friends-not-food-was-a-finding-Nemo-saying organization…

**I feel your pain **

Oh, you mean the one from last week?

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Yes, thank you. I need that number for Bella…stat.

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

We're the Spice Girls, yes indeed, just girl power is all we need. We know how we got this far, strength and courage in a wonderbra. Could this work with only one? Just with me I'd have no fun. Could this work with only two? We need more for what we do. Could this work with only three? Three's a crowd, bad company. Could this work with only four? No way, girl, we need one more. Listen up and take my advice, we need five for the power of Spice! Finish it, Clumsy Spice!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Will do, Medieval Spice! Give it up, give it up, take a stand, better shout, 1 2 3 4 5 spice girls! 1 2 3 4 5 spice girls!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Just the two of us…just the two of us! From the moment I heard Edward say he loved Bella, I knew that I'd be safe because I'd never be alone. An evil genius shouldn't speak aloud about their feelings, my pain and my hurt don't make me look appealing. I hoped Eddy would look up to me. Help me take over the family. Have an evil empire, just like his older brother, make me really proud and make me really sad…bring it, sharkbait!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

You and I…OH MY GOD, EMMETT! TURN ON YOUR RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**I feel your pain **

Edward…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Oh dear Lord…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

THE SPICE GIRLS ARE REUNITING FOR A TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BESTEST NEWS IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD EXCLUDING CZECHOSLOVAKIA BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS ONE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**alice in shoppingland has logged on**_

**alice in shoppingland**

Oh my God, Bella, did you hear?!? SPICE GIRLS?!?!?!? I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING AND BUY US ALL SPICE GIRLS OUTFITS! I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO WEAR PLATFORM SHOES!!!!!!!!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Jasper…I think it's time…

**I feel your pain **

I agree…

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

Intervention!

**I feel your pain **

On second thoughts…it would give us peace for one night…they wouldn't want us to shop with them. We could go see Alien vs Predator now!

**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?**

True…to the movie cinema!

_**a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off**_

_**I feel your pain has logged off**_

**alice in shoppingland**

Meh, who need them anyway?!? We can still have fun at the concert on our own!!!!

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

So tell me what you want, what you really really want!

**alice in shoppingland**

I wanna…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I wanna…

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

I wanna…

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

I wanna really really really wanna zigosay aw!

**alice in shoppingland**

Are those the real words?

**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me**

Who cares?!? To the mall to buy tickets!

_**alice in shoppingland has logged off**_

_**im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off**_

**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!**

If you wanna be my lover…lover…lover…lover…

_**ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off**_

**I guess my Spice Girls obsession is rubbing off on Bella. I'm so sorry this took so long. I had some stuff to deal with…and I moved states, and yeah. It's all a bit big at the moment. All my stories will be updated soon though, I haven't given up. Please just be patient?**

**I don't know how many chapters there will be of this. It's more of a "update when I get ideas" kind of fic. But I'd still love opinions.**

**Please review…cause I know you would all review if I was Edward!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


End file.
